Speaking of sentimental notes… for those who have stopped onto my OkCupid profile:
My two cents on the writing back and forth thing: Trust issues.
I am speaking on a hetero-normative position, but if you have experiences that are different, please feel free to add in the comments. I’m interested in your thoughts.
Girls need to know if a guy can appear trustworthy enough to meet. We get messages every day with, ” ‘Sup baby.” or “Hi, my name is _____. I have these credentials… etc.” Girls generally want to get through an emotional barrier via writing. Which, understandably, isn’t the most reliable or dependable, since a lot of guys don’t like writing -especially, about themselves. I say this, only because about a third of the profiles I go through say something about a guy who hates writing about themselves and demand a person to message them for more information, which later follows with, “I hate texting.”
All of this, I can empathize with, but I think the most enjoyable dialogues I’ve had are with those who write and speak well. Those who don’t, often fall short in conversation. Frankly, I need to be able to know that I can communicate with you if I’m going to pursue any sort of romantic endeavor. I need to know that the first date isn’t going to be a series of grunts and butt-scratching.
The calling on the phone option is kind of useful, but I think without the option of a throw-away number, (ladies, get a GoogleTalk account), it can be a bit difficult to navigate communication between people. For good reason too, online dating still is a tad scary. Stalkers are a THING. Privacy and discretion is always advised.
If a guy doesn’t realize that all of those texts/messages in their inbox back and forth are the most important things in their dating arsenal for finding clues and cues, you probably need to consult your actual gal pals for a debriefing on one of your OkC messages.
Sometimes, a girl will stop messaging, and things fizzle out. I get it, guys do it too. It’s normal for human beings to lose interest. Don’t get butthurt, move on. If you’re amassing 20 messages in your inbox, 10 each per person… which are longer than a single line, chances are, you’re doing pretty good. OR you’re having a heated, one-off debate about who is the bigger asshole. (Don’t waste your time on these) But if you expect a girl to just give you a number right away, see above, you’re going to look like a creeper/stalker/overtly pushy guy. Women like myself enjoy a bit of subtlety and plenty of independence. Being pushy is a turn-off. So wait for a girl to send you a series of ten messages and then see if she’ll go out with you. Chances are, if she hasn’t told you, “I’m not interested,” or, hasn’t ignored you for over 3 days, you’re still in the running. Shit happens, people get busy. But if they like you, they’re going to let you know they want to talk to you, and want to continue talking to you. Have patience, or stop waiting forever for something that has fallen flat.